he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
