then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
