I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
