I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
