When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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