Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sober January is a disaster.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
