I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
