the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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