$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize