dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
