This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
