He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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