went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
