so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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