Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
