Got a toothbrush?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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