M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
