I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
