my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize