I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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