Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
