I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
