That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
