i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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