the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize