u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
