The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
