Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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