I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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