I didn't shave. On purpose
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
