i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't deserve a penis
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
