I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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