I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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