Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
