I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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