It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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