what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
