so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
