Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
