I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
