If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
