The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
