hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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