I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize