Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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