He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
