eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
