Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
