so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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