I saw his package. It spoke to me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
