saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my shit smells like andre
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
