Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
