and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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