I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
