He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
