I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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