eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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