Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
