No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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