so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
