Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
