What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize