There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
