the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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