Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
