I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
