I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
