Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just invented taco cereal.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
