They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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