I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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