i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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