she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
