Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
