and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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