I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How's work?
Spinning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize