They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
