Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
