My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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