You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
