how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
