She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
