She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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