I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
