I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
