So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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