Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
