PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize