he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This is the prime rib incident all over again
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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