I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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