At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Randomize
