I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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