Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
