Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your penis caused this!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
