I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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