mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
