He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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