picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
