Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
