ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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