I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
