Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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