walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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