WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize