We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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