If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
