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he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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