I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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