In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
