WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
